The Amanda profile: by Christopher Clark, a fan.

When I saw that someone named "JoJo" was bidding on my auction last week, like most of you, I assumed it was JoJo from JoJo's Circus. I was expecting to profile a little clown with a red clay bowl-cut. I can only tell you how relieved I was to find that this was not the same person, and that this JoJo, in fact, would lead me to Amanda Kate Johnson McLaws. And my life would NEVER BE THE SAME.

Amanda Kate Johnson McLaws is probably the most incredible person I have ever met. At least she's in the top five, and that's saying a lot. I only talked to her on my cell phone once, but that was enough: my phone vibrated with the magnitude can only be described as pure AKJM.

There is no need for me to make a celebrity out of Ms. McLaws, because she already is one. She owns the scrapping world. She is the queen of the Scrappers (and you know who you are.) Before speaking to Amanda, I knew three things about Scrapbooking:

1. Ric-rac

2. Puffy adhesive stamps

3. Stampin' Up!

But since we spoke, I have thought of nothing else. She wields that kind of power. I even started to make a scrapbook page about my own life, but then it got really depressing so I quit. But don't be surprised if I get arrested for asking for her autograph under a bathroom stall - it wouldn't be out of character for me, and, as she told me herself, it wouldn't be the first time it's happened to her!

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I need to give you more details on why Amanda Kate Johnson McLaws is 10 times more awesome than you or I will ever be. Ms. McLaws was born around Christmas time. This is appropriate, as you will soon see that she is a true gift to the world. She was born with O Positive blood. Only 37% of the population is O Positive, so you can see that it's very rare. It's also the only blood type that can be freely shared with all the other types. Just another reason why Amanda has so much to share with everyone she comes in contact with. She is also a Capricorn, which I don't need to remind you means she is practical, ambitious, hard-working, career-oriented, and strong. I could go on and on with more adjectives, but that's probably enough of my sooth-saying.

A self-described "mutt" (I would never say that about her), Amanda was born in Des Moines, Iowa, but moved all around Northern and Southern California, Chicago, and Arizona in her youth, charming everyone she met. Even though her life was in frequent transition, she left an impression on countless people. 

Ms. McLaws, the mother of a 13 year-old son and two 10 year-old twins, still manages to run successful businesses and is on the cusp of breaking the Fortune 500 (in my opinion.) With her sister, the mysterious high-rollin' JoJo, she ran a scrapbooking outfit with enough material to fill an 8,000 square foot warehouse. But lest you think she only knows die cut templates, rubber stamps, craft punches, stencils, inking tools, eyelet setters, heat embossing tools and personal die cut machines, Amanda now makes her ends meet as a concert producer. That's right, a concert producer. Remember your boring job? Yeah, me too. Amanda gets to produce concerts and cozy up to the likes of JT and P-Did. (If you don't know who they are, dude, you are too old for this blog. Maybe this is more your style?)

One time Amanda's brother tried to hug P-Did, which apparently is a P-Don't. He was immediately yanked back by security. But I bet Diddy would be happy to cozy up to her, and you know she's just the type to make JT cry me a river. I also spoke with Adam Levine, the lead singer of Amanda's favorite band, Maroon 5. And you know I know Adam, so it's not like I'm making this up. He sent me a special message for Amanda:

Other famous people Amanda has met include Lance Armstrong.

Some scary things have happened to Amanda. One time she was in China buying fabric. Now let's pause for a moment and drink that in. She was in China. She was buying fabric. These are the kind of things she does. Just remember that next time you peddle the mini-van down to Jo-Anns for a coupla yards of rayon. Anyway, she was in China. And her flaming red hair and creamy white skin, attributes which, while common in romance novels are very uncommon in Chinese fabric districts, made her an instant attraction. This attention, however, was not lost on certain Taliban Arms Traders, who took dangerous notice. Let's pause for the second time. She attracted the interest of Taliban Arms Traders. Which, sorry, makes your story about thugs in Mexico even more boring. Anyway. One of the Talibanics came right up to her and said "I'm going to slit your throat." I'm not making this story up! Amanda told me this herself on my cell phone. She ran away from him, but the Taliban gave chase. You can probably guess the ending - Amanda lived to tell the tale. But she takes it in stride, as any person of international intrigue probably does.

Perhaps the Taliban attention arose from the success of Amanda's post 9/11 project: she created thousands of patriotic laser cuts and memoribilia for people all over the country. She told me several stories about grateful and touched people who appreciated her work and her efforts. So there you have it: not only is she intelligent, world travelling, ambitious, and blessed with beauty worthy of a front-cover Fabio swoon, but she also has a heart.

So there you have it. Impressed? Uh, yeah! She's basically the coolest person alive. If, however, you get a chance to meet Amanda Kate Johnson McLaws, here is some advice:

1. Don't chew your food too loudly, because she hates that.

2. Quote things from Conversations with God, because she loves that.

3. Ask her about the mysterious new book she's writing.

4. Ask if you can come to her Super Bowl party. 5. Tell her the JP says hi. JP, not JT.